he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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