Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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