just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
