I looked at my own cervix.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
