id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Pooping to opera.
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