I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
