and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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