I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
