I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
