You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
