all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Omg I joined a choir last night...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
