I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
