walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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