My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
