is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
