Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
