I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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