i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
