I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
