At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
