remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
