It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
