I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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