capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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