and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hippo gnu deer
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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