Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
