Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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