ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
