I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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