My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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