If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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