Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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