i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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