I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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