on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
