What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
