Are we in a gay sports bar?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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