I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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