It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
