I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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