I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We had to coat check the pizza.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
