It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
