you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
