My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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