the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
