you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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