Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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