i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
