I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
