You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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