I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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