Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
