why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
