first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
