bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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