I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
