i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
