She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
