sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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